I was enchanted to meet you

I'm not good with words. Looking back at my drafts, there are a few posts I've written halfway but never got around to finish and actually publish it. Not to mention how horrible my grammar is, therefore lack of confidence in blogging, heh.

So, PMR results will be out in two days. Nobody seems to believe me when I say I have zero confidence in getting straight As. Seriously. I really don't think I can get straight As. Of course I WANT the straight As, heck, if I could I would've worked so much harder if I knew I'd be feeling like this two days before results come out. I'm pretty sure it's the same for some (or most) other people.

Also, I have this feeling that karma's gonna get back at me for how I've been this year. Not the best person, that's all I can say. Especially for the past two months between PMR and results. Enough about that.

There's only 10 more days left in 2010. Time flies by fast. Wow.

So how was 2010 for me? Much better than I expected. Last year, all I could say about 2010 was "2010's gonna suck, PMR PMR PMR" But really, this year hasn't been all that bad.

I joined Nirmala's tuition. That's gotta be one of the better decisions I've made this year, if not the best. I met so many new people that I'm still friends with now. Close friends in fact, and I hope it'll stay that way for a long time. You know who you areee. :)

I learned to appreciate things better. It may not show but really, I do appreciate things and people more now.

I have learned to be more trustworthy. I admit, before this it was pretty hard keeping things to myself but sometime ago I went through my stack of magazines at home and there was one Smash Hits magazine issue from 2004 (I think). There was this Girls Aloud interview. If I'm not mistaken Nadine said something like "I keep secrets because I know how it feels when people don't keep mine. And I don't want to be the person who doesn't know how to keep secrets. So I believe that if I keep other people's secrets, they'll keep mine." Or something around those lines. I also have another reason why I think I can keep secrets now but I'd rather keep that to myself, haha it's pretty embarrassing.

Family? I can't thank them enough. For everything.

Friends? Well. Where do I start? I admit I haven't been the best friend to the ones who matter this year, and I really don't know how to explain myself for that. I've changed, I know. But not all for the worst. And there are some people whom I'd rather not mention their names, who just don't get that. Sure, I've made new friends. But everyone else has as well. And of course when you make new friends, you get to know them better and you talk to them more. Of course when this happens the whole "drifting apart" from your other friends happens as well. I'm tired of getting blamed for that. I know half the things that are being said behind my back. If you're really my friend, you'd understand. It's not that I don't care about you anymore, that's not even close to what I feel. I try to understand all of you, I swear I do. And drifting apart is honestly inevitable. Change is as well. But if the friendship you once had and hopefully still do have with someone is strong, that won't matter. 'cause no matter what happens, you'd still be there for each other, through thick and freaking thin.

I guess that brings us to how I've changed. Contrary to what most people believe, I'm not that open with my feelings as I was before. There are quite a number of people (I'd like to believe I trust) who I do tell them what's on my mind especially when I'm feeling like crap, but there's a whole lot more to that. I've never really told anyone everything about myself. Obviously there are some things you gotta keep to yourself, right? But what I mean is, I guess I don't trust anyone enough to tell them about how I really, really feel sometimes. Get me? No? I don't think so.

"Because at the end of the day, the only person you can trust is yourself."

True in some ways, but sometimes I doubt if I can even trust myself. And it's hard to really trust others because when you do, you're putting yourself in risk of getting hurt. In fact, you know you're gonna get hurt eventually when you trust someone, you know? But I guess even so, there are some people who are worth getting hurt for.

Damnit, I'm beginning to talk crap. Hahaha. What happened to talking about 2010?

There's really nothing much to elaborate I guess. Studies? We'll see how that goes this 23rd. Fingers crossed.